This will be the first in a series of posts where I share stories of gay and lesbian couples in which one member did not identify as gay or lesbian before the relationship. This is important, because most people don’t understand how this works. They assume that if two men or two women are in a relationship, that both are gay and always have been.
This is also a difficult topic to broach for the gay rights movement, because activists are working hard to convince everyone that sexual orientation is a born trait and not a virus that anyone can just catch from shaking hands or being friends. For all intents and purposes, this is true. Especially since “gay” usually means you are attracted to the same sex in general. If this is the case, it probably is true for your whole life—though that’s not to mention the process of coming out to oneself and the various stages at which people realize their sexual orientation. The thing is, attraction is not always so cut and dry. Though orientation typically doesn’t change throughout life, love and attraction are more malleable. That is why some people refuse to identify as a specific orientation, choosing instead to say that they love people, as opposed to men or women.
RJ is not necessarily attracted to men in general, but he is attracted to one specific man—Will. As he says in the video, “I’m bisexual, I guess, though technically I’m Willsexual.” People like RJ may or may not consider themselves to be gay simply because they are in a gay relationship.
This is a tricky ground among both gay and straight communities. Nobody wants to hear that something like attraction is so wishy-washy. Everyone wants to know your label so they can know if you are part of their group or not. It’s a natural part of group psychology and the way civilizations function. Unfortunately, this makes answering questions about sexual orientation tricky for people like RJ, and can make fitting in especially difficult.
Watch the video below to hear the story of their meeting and their thoughts on this interesting and taboo phenomenon!
Click here to read an interview of Will and RJ by Raant.com!